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A day in life of common banker

It's a Monday, the week has just started. A person barges into a branch of Apna bank.

Customer- mere account me se paise gaye
Banker- aapka account number bataiye
Customer- (dumbstruck) yaad nhi aa raha
Banker- passbook dikhaye
Customer- nhi laaya
Banker- pan card?
Customer- nhi laaya
Banker - adhaar?
Customer- nhi laaya
Banker-debit card?
Customer- nhi laaya
Banker- cheque book?
Customer- kuch nhi laaye
Banker ( thinking to himself... To tu aaya hi kyuuuu???) Mobile number? (Praying to himself.... Pleease don't say no)

Customer- Mobile number change hua he. Purana to yaad nhi hai.  Naya batau?

Banker- account me jo number he wo bataiye

Customer- Ek minute, diary me likha hoga.(Rummaging in his jhola for next 10 minutes)chalo mil gaya diary. mera number he, 9xxxxxxxx. (In the next breath)  mila mera account number?

Banker (Bhai, saas to lele) Ek minute, search ho raha he. Aapka account number he 1234567890. Kab paise gaye aur kitne gaye he?

Customer- ekdum barabar se to yaad nhi lekin message aya tha

Banker- ( abbe Ghajini ke Aamir Khan) message dikhaiye

Customer- purane mobile me he

Banker- (Taking a sip of Enerzal) Ek andaaze se date bataiye, nhi to account me kya dhunde

Customer- Teen chaar mahine pehle aaya hoga message. (Thinking) Nhi shayad 5-6 mahine ho gaye. (Thinking) Nhi , saal bhar ka dekhiye

Banker- (That was very helpful) Aapka passbook kaha he? Apko pehle passbook lena he, use update karna he, fir koi entry galat lage to bataiye. Iss tarah saal bhar ke entries dekhne me bahut time lagega.(waise bhi hum aapke personal accountant to nahi he) Aur aapke piche bahut log khade he. Unhe der ho jayegi agar me aapko itna time attend karunga

Customer- Lekin main bahut dur se aaya hu

Banker- (Lekin isme humari kya galati he) Aapko passbook to update rakhna chahiye. Agar baaki logon ko aapatti nhi he to main aapko attend karta hu.

Others are too disinterested to listen

Banker- ok... Kitne paise gaye

Customer- 17 rupaye

Banker- (Looking in disbelief... 17 rupaye ke liye tune mera 17 litre khoon jalaya??) Wo to sms charges he

Customer- (now it's his turn to be shocked) 17 rupaye? Itne saare?

Banker- Isme jyada kya he Sir? (Chindichor kahike)

Customer- Are aap SMS bhi free nhi de sakte? Minimum balance bhi rakhna padta he

Banker - to aap ko services nhi milta kya Sir? ATM milta he, chequebook milta he. Aur waise bhi SMS ke charges teen mahino me ek baar 17 rupaye lagta he. Aur ye paise bhi hume nhi milte. Ye paise Mobile service provider ko dene padte he. 

Customer- hmmm. (A kid comes running to him and gives a passbook) To ye charges kyu lage he? Poore 590 rupaye

Banker (trying to convince customer how multiple ecs charges were incurred due to no balance over period of one year using his unprintable fungus laden passbook) Sir, lagta he aapne bahut time se account operate nhi kia he ( isiliye passbook pe fungus aa gaya he.... Hopefully Covid is not spread by fungus)

Customer- lekin Isme Gas ke paise aa rahe he. Saare paise charges me gaye
Banker - ( abbe, to Gas connection karke tu ghode bechke so gaya?) Sir account dormant he, documents submit karna padega
Customer- Dorma??? Kya???

Banker - ( I never learn, do I?) Aapka account lock ho gaya he. Aapko kyc documents dena padega

Customer- kyc documents matlab?

Banker- matlab adhaar pan

Banker - lekin kyc to dena padega sir
Customer- dena hi Ftpadega?
Banker - ( internally irritated... But unable to express... Gives an inversely proportional sympathetic smile) haan sir, dena hi padega
Customer - (Socrates awakens; thinking very deeply, staring) 
Banker - staring back
The staring game goes on for few minutes 
Customer.. (giving up ... Finally) ... Ok... To me documents kaunse lau?
Banker - adhar pan card
Customer - ok, pan card he mere paas, adhar nhi he
Banker - ummm... okay..... 
Customer - sirf pan card se nhi hoga?
Banker - sir, address proof to chahiye na
Customer - lekin abhi mujhe fir se ghar jaana padega, mera ye trip waste ho jayega
Banker - ( to me ghar pe jaakar leke aau tere?? ) Sir lekin kyc to chahiye dormant account ke liye
Customer - adhaar baad me dia toh nhi chalega?
Banker -(Kisne khulla choda yaar isko)  nhi sir, activation karte samay hume address proof update karna hi padta he

Customer - kuch aur dia to nhi chalega?
Banker - ( abbe,ye to aise bargain kar raha he jaise koi sabzi mandi he) Chalega na Sir, recent electric bill, telephone bill and...
Customer - electric bill he
Banker - ok.... Aapke naam se he na?
Customer - Nahi mere makaan maalik ke naam se he

Banker - to rent agreement hoga?

Customer- haa, lekin wo ghar pe he

Banker- (obviously, duh) wo lekar aayiye. Uski copy bhi dijiye 

Customer- wo sab aapko hi dena he?

Banker- (Nahi mere padosi ko dena he) Haa

Customer- Thik he

Banker- (I m feeling dizzy)